by Erik Ordorica
Growing up, life for me was anything but ordinary. Born into a strict Jehovah's
Witness family, I was raised within the confines of a strict community in the heart
of Mormon Utah. It was a world of restrictions and set beliefs, where questioning was not allowed, and everyone played by the book. As a child, I went through the motions, but it was during my teenage years that the world beyond my community began to unveil itself.
Imagine living in a bubble, where every aspect of your life revolves around faith.
My weekly routine was a monotonous cycle of church visits, study sessions, and
door-knocking preaching. A life where Sundays were for the church, weekdays
often included more church visits or studies, and weekends were for spreading
the word of God. It was all I knew, but deep down, a part of me always felt
disconnected.
The turning point came when I was excommunicated and shunned by my
Jehovah's Witness family. For a person who had never known a world outside of
the community, the experience was heart-wrenching. But every cloud has a silver
lining. It was during this time of exile that I stumbled upon the world of
psychedelics.
In my initial rebellious phase, I viewed psychedelics as an act of defiance. My very
first trip with an LSD gel tab was transformative—it felt as though the universe
had handed me its WiFi password. It was an open invitation to the mysteries of
existence, a departure from the dogma I had always known.
Over time, I explored various psychedelics, including MDMA, psilocybin, and salvia,
not out of rebellion, but rather a search for healing. Each experience was
insightful, and I made sure to prioritise my safety, ensuring a trusted set and
setting.
The change within me was profound. I shed the skin of judgmental attitudes and
entitlement. Gone was the indoctrinated young man who saw the world in black
and white. In his place stood someone who understood the true essence of
respect and love.
Today, I look at my life with gratitude. I am happily married to a wonderful
ex-Mormon woman, ready to start a family. We both understand the value of
authenticity: it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you
aren't.
The power of psychedelics wasn't just in the hallucinations or the highs. It was in
the perspective shifts, the clarity of mind, and the embracing of a new self.
Through microdosing, as per the Fadiman way, I have incorporated these lessons
into my daily life. Every day now is a lesson in self-awareness, self-acceptance, and
personal growth.
To anyone considering a journey with psychedelics, remember that the desire for
change has to come from within. Life, relationships, and personal growth are
about taking accountability, relinquishing control, and truly understanding how
you treat others.
Today, I stand ready to embrace my future, confident and honest in my beliefs. My
journey with psychedelics wasn't about rebelling or escaping; it was about
self-discovery. In understanding myself, I found a universe of possibilities. It was,
undeniably, a journey necessary for my soul.
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